Looking Back
by Always Remember Sirius Black
Summary: Arabella, Lily, Abigail, Sirius, Remus, James and Peter. Rarely could you find one without the rest. A look back at their Hogwart's days. The days before their lives were torn apart. (Consider it AU if you've finished OotP.)
1. It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing

**A/N: Well, since I wrote this before OotP, the majority of it won't correspond very well. So, you can either pretend it's AU or you can pretend you never read OotP. Personally I'm going with the latter. *Mutters* Enjoy, and review, muahaha.  
  
*****  
  
_And it only hurts when I'm breathing  
My heart only breaks when it's beating  
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming  
So, I hold my breath - to forget  
  
_***  
  
It was not hard to find the house in Godric's Hollow.  Though, it could not really be called a house anymore.  Parts of the walls were collapsed and almost all of the windows were shattered.  Abby landed her broom in front of the wreck and slid off.  She stood for a moment, staring at the ruins of her best friend's home and then raced inside.   
  
"James? Lily?" She called out to them as she made her way through each room.  The longer she went on, the more hopeless she felt.  No answer came back, no baby cried, not a sound came from anywhere in the house.  Her eyes were starting to blur with tears and she walked clumsily through the living room, stumbling over something on the floor and falling… falling onto James.  She gasped and shrank away, staring at his body with despair.  A body that had once been so alive, always running, joking, never stopping for a second to take a breath.  And now he would never breathe again.  Now he was gone.  She crawled over to him, staring down at his face and her tears began to fall.  Her heart continued to beat rapidly as she watched her tears drop onto his waxy face.  She noticed then that James was not wearing his glasses... she must find his glasses.  James can't see without his glasses. It took her a moment to see them on the floor beside his head. With shaking hands she desperately tried to place them back upon his face.  A loud moan of frustration escaped her when she realized that the lens was broken.  Defeated, she stood up.  She had to find Lily and Harry.  
  
The bottom floor yielded nothing and she carefully climbed the stairs, hesitating outside of baby Harry's bedroom.  She knew that if she found what she dreaded, her entire world would come crashing down.  She reached forward and pushed the door open.  What waited inside was something she would never forget, not for the rest of her life.  Memories of her best friend came flooding back.  Seemingly every second they'd ever spent together now washed over her, and then the tears could not come fast enough.  She felt the urge to scream and yell, to throw whatever she could grab, but all she could do was stumble to Lily's lifeless body and collapse next to her.  Her beautiful golden red hair surrounded her head and Abby was reminded of a halo.  Lily's once sparkling green eyes now seemed gray as they stared, unmoving.  Abby gathered her into her arms, petting her face softly, "Oh Lil. Wake up please. Don't do this to me."  
  
She sat for hours, crying violently into Lily's hair, holding onto her in a desperate attempt to make her come back.  Thoughts of finding Harry were gone now and nothing mattered.  It was dark by the time Remus found her.  
  
"Abby? Oh Merlin, Abby…" No one had told her.  In all the confusion, they'd forgotten to owl Abby.  They'd left her to find out for herself that her best friend was dead. "Abby, how long have you been here?"  
  
She looked up at him, her eyes still glistening and looking as dead as Lily's. "Remus… she's dead. And James. They're gone."  
  
He nodded, "I know Abby. I know." He walked over to her, attempting to pull her away from Lily.   
  
"NO! Get away. I can't leave her. Look at her Remus! _Look at her!" She struggled to get out of his grasp, pushing at him frantically.  
  
"Abigail! She's gone! We have to go. The Ministry will come and clean this all up, but we have to go."  
  
She looked at him, startled, "Clean it all up will they?" And then she let out a bitter laugh, "Clean it all up.  Oh, well, that's marvelous, just bloody wonderful.  They'll clean up the mess and life will go on.  Is that it?  Lily and James are dead?  No matter, we'll clean it up and everything will be all better!" She looked back at Lily, and a strangled sob escaped her as she gave in and collapsed into her brother's arms.   
  
He held her tightly, rocking back and forth, "I'm sorry Abby.  I'm so sorry.  If we had of known he would do this…"  
  
Her head shot up, confusion spreading across her small face, "What are you talking about?  We knew Voldemort would do this, that's why they got a Secr—"  
  
He sighed, looking away from her, "A Secret Keeper… Sirius."  
  
"NO!" She shouted at him, "Sirius wouldn't!  He loved them more than anyone!" Remus continued to look away from her and she pulled out of his arms, standing up. "Look at me Remus!  You know Sirius couldn't have done this!"  
  
And when he looked at her, she wished he hadn't.  His eyes were filled with hatred, "He did it Abby.  And then he killed Peter.  Listen to me," Remus placed a strong hand on each of her shaking shoulders. "He's gone to Azkaban and he's not coming back."  
  
Her mouth opened, but no words came out at first.  Finally a jumble of words managed to spill out.  "But he… no. Why would… No! Sirius… he… No Remus, please."   
  
He stood in silence, unsure of what to say.  She had just lost half of her world.  Two of her greatest friends, her best friend and her love for the past 6 years.  And almost her godson.  
  
As if she had read is mind, she gasped, "Harry! Where is he?"  
  
"He's fine.  Got away with only a scratch…"  
  
"Where is he?  I want to see him.  I have to see him.  I'm all he has now, Remus."  
  
"No.  Technically you're not."  
  
She looked at him, horrified, "You can't be serious.  He can't go live with those wretched people!  Remus!  I'm his godmother!  They won't… they hate him.  They hated Lily!"  
  
Remus took her hand, "Dumbledore has already done it." He tugged gently, and led her out of the room. "We have to go now Abby."  
  
She followed him, tears once again streaming down her face.  And they would never stop.  Not for another 12 years would a moment pass when she did not feel the need to cry.  To cry over senseless death and the loss of almost everything that ever mattered.  
  
***  
  
_Hurts when I'm breathing  
Breaks when it's beating  
Die when I'm dreaming  
It only hurts when I breathe  
  
_***  
  
**A/N: Song is It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing, by Shania Twain.**_


	2. Meet The Crew

**A/N: Short chapter, yes yes. I already have the next one written though I don't much like it. We shall see if it gets uploaded today. Enjoy and review!  
  
*****  
  
She stood, in the center of the platform, holding her mothers hand. She felt intimidated by all of the children around her who seemed to know where they were going and what they were doing. She remembered the year prior, when they had come to see Remus off. She hadn't even noticed how hectic it all was then. But now, she was expected to climb aboard the shining red Hogwarts Express. The butterflies in her stomach were working overtime and her hands trembled.   
  
Her mother smiled down at her, squeezing her hand tightly, "It's alright, darling. Remus will be with you. Don't fret."  
  
But she did fret. Millions of thoughts ran through her mind. What if Remus left her? What if she couldn't make friends? What if this sorting hat she had heard of put her in Slytherin? What if--  
  
"Abby! C'mon Abby, we've got to go!" Remus called to her from down the platform, a slightly impatient tone entering into his voice.  
  
"Go on, luv, go with your brother."  
  
"But Mummy, I've changed my mind. I'm not ready to go to Hogwarts yet. Oh, just let me stay home with you! Please Mummy?"  
  
Amalia Lupin smiled to herself, memories of the previous year flooding back. When the time had come for Remus to start Hogwarts, Abby had cried desperately to go along with him. "No Abby, you must go." She dropped to her knees and brought Abby into her arms, covering her little face in kisses. "Go on now. Remmy is getting impatient."  
  
Abby hesitated only a moment longer, and then ran to Remus, who quickly ushered her onto the train. "Stop acting so afraid, it'll be fine, Ab."  
  
Abby hung her head, embarrassed at making herself look so foolish in front of her big brother. He pushed in front of her, peeking his head into each compartment that they passed. She trailed behind, keeping her eyes on the floor. Finally he stopped and stood in the doorway of an open compartment, which held three other boys. He grinned happily, "Hullo!"  
  
Abby stared as the boys greeting each other with punches and pushes. After a few minutes of wrestling, one of the boys noticed her. He walked over, a curious look on his face, "Who're you?"  
  
She stood with her mouth hanging open, unable to speak. The boy laughed, his brown eyes twinkling. He had unruly black hair, and was quite tall. Just looking at him made Abby want to turn and run. The boy turned to Remus, "Does she talk?"  
  
Remus smiled weakly and threw himself onto one of the seats, "Yes, she speaks. Abby, will you please stop being so strange?"  
  
The tall boy laughed again, "Now Remus, be nice." He laid a hand on Abby's shoulder and guided her into the compartment, closing the door behind her.   
  
"Abby, let me introduce you to everyone, I'm Sirius Black. That hideous looking creature is James Potter," he grinned and pointed to James who was sprawled out on the floor, eating Bertie Botts. "And that's Peter Pettigrew." Sirius nodded towards Peter, a chubby blonde boy with big blue eyes.  
  
Abby took a deep breath, "I'm Abby."  
  
Once again Sirius laughed, "Well Abby, have a seat."  
  
It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  
  
***  
  
**A/N: Thank you Ashley for Remmy's mum's name. Rawr, I love you.**


End file.
